


I Was Counting On That Forever

by MorningSun



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: 8x11, Character Death, F/M, Reaction, steroline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9578366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningSun/pseuds/MorningSun
Summary: When Stefan excused himself to be alone for some time, Caroline had nodded with a faint, but reassuring smile on her face. She had waited for him to leave, watching his retreating figure and for the first time in months feeling more relieved than distraught. All of it felt unreal.





	

When Stefan excused himself to be alone for some time, Caroline had nodded with a faint, but reassuring smile on her face. She had waited for him to leave, watching his retreating figure and for the first time in months feeling more relieved than distraught. All of it felt unreal.

Every sound was muffled, every step hindered by a crippling uncertainty. Caroline couldn’tfocus, her mind kept drifting away to unsettling, scary thoughts, and through it all she felt unable to feel. She was an impostor - acting according to whatever her mind told her was appropriate. She let tears stream down her face when Bonnie told her about Enzo, hugged her and said she would be by her side through all of this, embraced Stefan and assured him they would deal with everything that had happen, including him being a human again. And all the while being unable to feel anything real.

Caroline had walked out the front door of the Salvatore house without knowing where she was going.

The next time she looked up she found herself in front of her mom's tombstone.

The realisation felt like a kick in the gut. For a second she stared at her mother's name. Then, as if an invisible force had torn open her chest, Caroline broke into loud, suffocating sobs. What was she supposed to do now? Caroline hadn’t realised just how tightly she had held onto hope that all this mess would eventually end. That they would find a way to kill Cade, she would get Stefan to turn his humanity back on, Enzo would take the cure, he and Bonnie would dance in Stefan and Caroline’s June wedding, they would all live happily ever after.

None of it was going to happen.

Ever.

Caroline couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. She should have known by now. Cade was immortal, Stefan was human, Enzo was dead, Bonnie had lost the love of her life, there would be no happily ever after for any of them. It was more than she could take. She sat down on the closest tombstone and covered her face with her hands.

“What do I do now, mom?” Caroline whispered, her voice broke. She wasn’t ready for how much it hurt. If only her mother was here. If she could just be held by her for five minutes and be told that she was strong enough and clever enough to find her way out of this situation.

“What on Earth do I _do_?”

But her mom wasn’t there. She would never be there. And there was no way Caroline was going to solve this mess.

“You know, for a second,” she began talking to the tombstone again, but a sob interrupted her before she could finish, “for a second I thought _wow, I might actually get to be happy_ , you know?”

How naïve of her. It stung how clueless she had been. What was the point of being an optimist if it always went to shit?

“For a second I _was_ happy. I had the girls and the fiancé of my dreams and my best friend was in a big, fuzzy love bubble of her own. It was all so _perfect_. For that one second,” every happy memory came as a sharp pain in her chest. What was the point? It would have been better not to have anything at all than to have a taste of everything you’ve ever wanted and then have it ripped away.

“I know what you would say if i told you that,” Caroline laughed all too ironically, “ _Don’t be such a drama queen, Caroline, you’ve got to cherish every happy moment you get. Of course, they are important. Even if it hurts later._ And I would probably listen to you if you were here to tell me that. But you can't, and it just doesn’t work with me just talking to myself.”

Caroline tried wiping the tears away from her eyes, but it seemed like she would never stop crying. The slightest movement, the tiniest thought - everything sent a new wave of pain crushing down on her. If Cade wanted to take her to hell, he didn’t have to move a finger. It felt like she was already there.

“Bonnie didn’t deserve this,” Caroline mumbled, “All she deserved was to get to put her happiness first for once in her life and get to grow old with Enzo and have beautiful children and a house in the suburbs. Why couldn’t she have that?” she looked at her mom’s stone, as if it was going to answer.

“Do you know what is the scariest thing?“ Caroline asked and waited for a second, “This is all my fault, isn’t it? The only reason Stefan made that stupid deal with Cade was to protect my children. I should’ve been the one to serve the devil. Not Stefan. Oh god, mom, not him.”

She had done this to him. To them. She had to look down to check that her heart hadn’t just been ripped out. 

“I love him,” Caroline whispered, “More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And I was selfish enough to want that forever with him. Have our idyllic wedding, fuss about the girls reaching their teen years, travel the world, listen to a life time of his stories, make our own,” despite the tears, Caroline smiled. Those were beautiful dreams. Nobody was ever that lucky.

“I just don’t think I can survive losing him,” she confessed, “I really don’t think I can.”

Then she heard it so clear it seemed like her mother was standing right there saying it, _Then what are you doing here talking to me?_

Caroline almost laughed. She wiped the tears off her cheeks.

“Thanks, mom.”

 

Caroline was walking down the street leading to the Salvatore house, when she saw him leaning against a tree, hidden by a shadow, where the light of the streetlamp couldn’t reach him. She froze. Stefan must have noticed. He walked toward her, still guarded by the shadows, until there were no more shadows to hide in. Stefan stopped a couple of steps from Caroline and looked at her for a couple of seconds, before looking away. _Because he couldn’t bare to look at her_ , she realised.

“I keep thinking of 1864,” Stefan said, “the last time I was human.”

“Do you wish you had chosen not to turn?” Caroline asked, even though it tore her apart to even think of the possibility.

Stefan stared into the distance for a few seconds, then his eyes found hers.

“Not in a very long time,” he said, and the helpless look in his eyes told Caroline exactly what he meant by that. She closed her eyes as the tears rushed back.

“I don’t know what to do,” Caroline told him the same thing she had said to her mom’s stone, “I just don’t know…what I’m _supposed to_ do now. I have no control over anything in my own life anymore. And it hurts so much.”

They still stood apart awkwardly. When Stefan didn’t answer, Caroline continued.

“And I’ll understand if you don’t _feel the same_ now that you are human, and want to live your life…”

“ _What?_ ”

Caroline looked up. Stefan was looking at her confused. There were tears in his eyes too.

She couldn’t believe she had to say it.

“If you don’t want to give that _ring_ back, I will understand,” those were lies. There was nothing in all of this Caroline understood nor wanted to understand. She closed her eyes and heard Stefan move. His fingers touched her cheek and wiped away the tears. She exhaled shakily and pressed her skin against his palm. Without opening her eyes, Caroline wrapped her fingers around Stefan’s wrist and pulled his hand closer to her face, pressing her lips to his skin. Stefan pulled her to his chest and held her close. When she had hoped of getting him back, the love of her life, her best friend, she had never imagined it to happen this way. 

“Oh, God,” Caroline’s voice broke once again. She knew he was crying too from how uneven his breathing was.

“I don’t know what to say,” Stefan confessed. It truly felt like the world was falling apart. He always knew just the right words.

“Other than I love you,” he added.

Caroline inhaled sharply, trying to steady her breathing and failing completely.

“And I haven’t the slightest idea of what to do either. I don’t know how to even begin to come to terms with ruining Bonnie’s chance of happiness,”

“That wasn’t your fault, Cade needed the Ripper to bring him corrupt souls.”

“It was still me. I remember ripping Enzo’s heart out. That image will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

The realisation that that life would be so much shorter than hers left Caroline out of breath.

“I know I just said that I would understand if you wanted to leave, but honestly I can’t begin to imagine having to watch you grow old and die and then have to live the _rest of eternity_ without you.”

“I know,” Stefan said, pressing his lips to Caroline’s forehead.

“I was counting on that _forever_ ,” he added with a light smile, mirroring her thoughts. Caroline smiled through her tears. She still hoped to open her eyes and find this had all been just a terrible nightmare. Only it wasn’t.

“Ok,” Stefan began, “here’s what I’ve got - right now it feels like we are in an impossible situation and there is no way to solve it. But I also know that we’ve been in impossible situations before and it always seemed like the world was ending, and yet we found our way out of them each and every time.”

Caroline opened her eyes and listened.

“Believe me when I say that there is nothing in this world that I want more than to marry you, Caroline Forbes. I have no intention to ever build a life without you unless that’s what you wanted, because I know that that life could never compare to spending every single day by your side. In fact, I’ve had three years of _that_ life and I have rarely felt so miserable. You found me when I was _broken_ and taught me that my happiness mattered too and sometimes it was _ok_ not to sacrifice it for the sake of others. You don’t even begin to realise how much _you_ mean to me. That’s why I won’t ask you to accept my ring back.”

Stefan paused.

“Not now. First, I will do whatever it takes to get us all out of this mess and find a way back to our _happily ever after_.”

The second the words left Stefan’s mouth, Caroline knew she had started to hope again. She felt just a bit angry about allowing herself to do that.

“And then?” Caroline asked.

“ _I will love you_.”

 

 


End file.
